[Millennial Woes gives his convincing side of the story concerning allegations of inappropriate behaviour towards a young woman.
The Strife of Tongues
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Published on Nov 30, 2020
The Strife of Tongues
•Nov 30, 2020
Thank you for waiting.
Hello. At the end of April 2020, I was accused of sexually assaulting a young woman. This allegation triggered a set of other rumors and accusations, including ones dug up from the past. Let me first set your mind to rest on the most important matter. The allegation is false! I have not assaulted, or harassed anyone! I am not guilty of any criminal wrongdoing!
The woman who accused me of assault has a history of making false allegations against men. Of deliberately entrapping men, and of being obsessed with men as sex predators who prey on young women. She has framed at least four other men before me that I know about, albeit in much less dramatic ways. I have seen screenshots of her doing this and was informed by multiple people who were present at the time, this is something she does. Unfortunately, I didn’t know any of this in advance.
But before we get to that, let me set the scene.
In today’s world romantic connections are often chaotic. I’ve had my share of unsuccessful relationships and failed flirtations. And I’m not going to claim that I have always behaved like a saint with women. What man has? But the fact is, I do not go around, and never have gone around, looking to abuse, exploit, manipulate, or harm women.
In order for the impression that I do to be convincingly created a number of people needed to distort truths and to invent lies. And to spread the slander as much as they could.
How many people were involved in doing this? Eight. You might ask:
“How did I make eight enemies?”
Oh, it happens! Over the course of seven years in a community, it happens.
If you let somebody down, even if you apologize, as likely as not they will thereafter be waiting to get revenge. If somebody does wrong and you pull them up on it, as likely as not, they will thereafter be waiting to get revenge. If you tell a friend some home truths that they really don’t want to hear, as likely as not, they will thereafter be waiting to get revenge. If you tell somebody in a Telegram group that their destructive behavior is damaging community morale, as likely as not, they will thereafter be waiting to get revenge. If you sleep with a woman not realizing she’s expecting a relationship out of it. And then don’t give her a relationship, she might well decide to claim that you assaulted her.
And then there are people who simply decide to have it in for you, because attacking a public figure brings them attention, or sadistic satisfaction. Such is the case with the first person involved in this story.
Two years ago a friend of mine was flirting with a young woman, who later turned out to be deranged and vengeful. In an effort to impress this woman my friend told her various things about the private life of the “e-celeb” Millennial Woes.
I don’t know whether he distorted the things he told her, or whether she misunderstood them. But by the time she decided to repeat them publicly, they had become barely recognizable. Most of what she said was simply pulled out of thin air. She claimed, for example, that I have various dark sexual interests, including wanting to enslave women, and taking pleasure in spreading STDs.
Absurdly this woman was interviewed about me by an investigator from 4chan, who published the interview as a long series of screenshots. This interview rightly remained obscure, until a year later in April 2020. At that point I was falsely accused of sexual assault. And this interview about my supposed dark sex life was dredged up. The important thing is that the only reason this fantastical interview was taken seriously was that it seemed to be validated by the assault allegation. But that was also entirely false.
The background to the assault allegation.
A woman approached me online in late 2019. We shared music and chatted, but nothing flirtatious. Then we met at the PA Conference in March 2020, and felt a mutual attraction. And in the weeks afterwards flirted heavily. She was 20. A lot younger than me. But I wondered if a relationship was possible. At the end of march she was going to be traveling my way. So I invited her to break up the journey by staying the night at my place. She accepted this invitation.
An allegation of assault, in the absence of forensic evidence, is very difficult to definitively prove, or disprove. This is why it’s very difficult to get a conviction. But also why it’s such an effective way to falsely defame somebody. A woman merely has to spend a night with a man and afterwards she can claim that anything happened. Even if there is no evidence, the damaging rumor will persist.
However in the case of this woman’s claim against me there are many ways in which I can demonstrate that it is false. She willingly came to stay the night at my place knowing that I was attracted to her and having told me that the feeling was very much mutual.
Once at my place she led me to the bed. Once we were in bed and kissing, she took off most of her clothes, without any prompting from me. Thereafter she was frequently the one steering events, not me. At no point did she seem distressed, as she later claimed. From my point of view it was a completely normal encounter between a man and a woman. There was no abuse, no emotional upset, and certainly no assault!
We didn’t go all the way, so to speak, and that was a red line which I had set before hand. But we did do some things. And this activity was initiated by her, not by me. I would challenge any man in those circumstances to behave differently than I did.
We slept together. Then the next day we got up and had a pleasant time together. She was perfectly happy. We went for a walk including to secluded places. We chatted and things were fine. We were laughing and joking. She continued to flirt with me and returned to my flat. And lay down with me again. When I told her that I didn’t think we were relationship material, she seemed fine with that. She even suggested a casual sex arrangement instead. Which I rejected on the basis that it wouldn’t be good for her.
After we eventually parted ways at 5 p.m, she sent me affectionate messages and continued to talk speculatively about her relationship.
According to four legal professionals, all of these details pretty much destroy any case that she has against me. Because no woman would behave like this if she had been assaulted by the man the night before.
I have told you just some of the many things that she did wrong in her case against me. But one thing she got right, was to later coax me into falsely incriminating myself.
In the two weeks that followed she steadily became angry and resentful towards me. Then we got into a text conversation online. She seemed very emotional. As a result I was concerned solely with comforting her. I didn’t care about the accuracy of what she was saying about the night we had spent together. I even went along with several of her statements. But this was purely, because I wanted her to know that I was taking her distress seriously.
But my doing this was later seen as an admission on my part that her statements were accurate. They were not! No I did not force her to do anything! No I did not ignore her pleas for me to stop! There were no such pleas!
But at the time, I thought it would be a bad idea to remind her of how the night had actually played out, as it would surely only upset her to be contradicted.
Some way into this conversation she hinted that I had assaulted her. I was immediately taken aback. I signaled that I thought it was insane to apply that word to what had taken place between us. Apparently agreeing with that, she substituted the word “coerce”. In an effort to be diplomatic, I foolishly went along with that word. Unfortunately the official definition of “coerce” is much stronger than the everyday usage, which to my mind is fairly broad.
Officially “to coerce” means to compel by force, or intimidation. Let me be very clear. Absolutely nothing of that nature occurred! I should have just told her that she was utterly wrong! But I wanted to avoid escalating her seeming distress. I was trying to calm her down, so that we could have a more sensible, and honest conversation.
I now believe that her distress was artificial. A ploy to trick me into falsely incriminating myself. According to three very experienced lawyers that I consulted this happens all the time. In the course of trying to calm a woman down, a man will be lulled into going along with falsehoods, which are later used against him.
The fact is no other woman has ever made such claims against me. And indeed neither did she on the night, or the following days. At that point she kept saying that I was very sensual, and a very special man.
How on earth did that morph into “he assaulted me”? Because after accepting that she wasn’t going to get a relationship from me, she convinced herself that she had been tricked. When, in fact, she was the one who initiated sexual relations on the night. And then convinced herself that I was a monster, and that I deserved to lose my career and reputation.
I say “convinced herself”. I don’t know whether she ever actually believed her version of events, but she certainly convinced several other people. Only after they had publicly disavowed me did her increasingly vengeful behavior begin to trouble those people.
Gradually, they concluded that they had been tricked. She had done this by using a select number of messages that had passed between us.
I showed the entire message history to three lawyers and a police officer. Trained professionals, very experienced in sexual assault cases. All four of these people came back to me saying that it’s so obvious I was framed, that the police probably wouldn’t even investigate the case. And if they did, it almost certainly wouldn’t go to court. And if it did I would almost certainly be completely exonerated. That is the opinion not of amateurs, but of four legal professionals. And they are seeing the very same evidence that those amateurs were led to believe spelled my guilt.
My Wikipedia page says that there was compelling evidence against me. There wasn’t. There was a set of messages between me and my accuser which can easily be explained. There is nothing in those messages which is not covered by what I have said here. To reiterate, I was being far too accommodating in a naive attempt to comfort someone who was trying to frame me.
It should be stated that nobody who is in the know, actually believes that I am guilty. Certainly since the woman’s past record of framing innocent men came to light, nobody I know has taken her claim against me seriously.
Indeed two of the three men who took part in the disavowal stream of PWR, have since come to me for advice on various matters, multiple times. They don’t think I’m a villain. But, because these men haven’t corrected the record publicly, it says on my Wikipedia page that they believe me guilty.
The only people who do believe me guilty, or who claim to, are misfits who thrive on drama.
One of them, a bitter middle-aged woman, has publicly stated that criminal sexual allegations are a matter for the police, not for social media. And that it’s wrong to use them against a man who hasn’t been proven guilty of them. Yet, she was only too happy to do that very thing to me! My misguided messages with my accuser were all the proof this woman needed that I was guilty. And she was uninterested in any context around them that would change this view. She wanted me to be guilty. So she insisted that I was.
Without once contacting me from my side of things, this woman embarked on a campaign to wreck me. She bombarded Mark Collett with bad advice, went around assuring many different people that I was guilty so as to build a consensus that I must be disavowed. Told people that I was a serial sexual abuser. Attacked individuals who tried to defend me. And even invited various people to report me to the police, since the accuser, very tellingly, didn’t want to do it.
This woman wanted me to lose my reputation, my career, and my liberty. And she did everything she possibly could to make that happen.
If in the aftermath of this video she wants to resume her campaign against me, she’ll have to explain the following things first. If she really believes me guilty, why has she kept quiet about it for seven months now? If she really believes me guilty, why did she recently try to cozy up to me on social media?
Finally, before she can attack me further she’ll have to explain how she can justify doing this to man who hasn’t been found guilty in a court of law? When she herself has publicly said that this should be the standard. And that it’s wrong to put someone on trial by social media.
I will do this woman the favor of not naming her. But I would suggest that she is deeply troubled, and unstable.
But, of course, it wasn’t just her. Other people behaved maliciously. People who resented me, people I had fallen out with, and one person that I had admittedly let down. All took the opportunity to get revenge. There was a cascade effect with lies being dredged up from the past, or simply invented.
In addition to the assault claim, Mark on the PWR stream, mentioned very serious allegations made by several other women. I think he was very stressed at the time. And as a result misinterpreted things said to him by three women whom he had approached about their experience of me. These three women have since contacted me, either apologizing that their testimony was used to vilify me, or hoping that we could still be friends. They don’t feel that I did them any wrong.
Indeed the idea of me pestering these women is absurd, since two of them had approached me for a relationship, not the other way around. And with the third it was very much a mutual thing. That accounts for three women involved in the “sex pest” accusation.
There is a fourth woman. And, as far as I know, she sticks to her story claiming that I creeped on her for 18 months. But the fact is, at the end of that period, she chose to share a hotel room with me for two nights. Her false claim is shown as such by her own behavior.
So what we have here in total is the following. A flaky scorned accuser with a history of framing men. Three women who have now apologized that their account was used against me. One woman who described me as creepy but shared a bed with me several times without complaint. A hypocritical flake who pushed for my demise, but then tried to be friends again. Trolls everywhere putting the boot in.
And finally, under this avalanche of attack, three men who initially disavowed me in a panic, but at least two of whom now think I am innocent. Plus, four legal professionals who agree.
In summary, I am innocent!
I know that some people will continue to believe that I am a villain, no matter what. They want to believe the worst. Because they love drama and they love the idea that a man who was well regarded and pretty much universally trusted, was actually a villain under the surface. I can’t reach those people. But at least I have set the record straight for anyone who is actually interested in the truth. This absolutely was a “me too” campaign against an innocent man.
But I think it’s important for me to admit my flaws, which helped to bring this about. And it is really just typical guy stuff. Lacking foresight in romantic situations. Sometimes being indelicate while flirting. Misjudging a woman’s mental stability. And very occasionally letting a woman down more painfully than I might have done. There was never malice. But there was naivety, and a lack of common sense, here and there.
Usually these sorts of mistakes would be made by a guy in his 20s, not his mid 30s. That’s embarrassing for me and it’s to do with decisions that I made much earlier in life. But we all know that story.
And I want to move on from it. Just as I want to move on from this one.
The various elements of this fake scandal are probably replicated in the private lives of a thousand people every day. But, because I was in a eceleb things spiraled. What happened essentially was this a very small number of people lied about me, and then a larger number of people pretended to believe those lies, so that a huge number of people would believe them.
A secondary effect of all of this was that the rumors were used to make appalling smears against my character. That I manipulate. That I exploit. That I project a false persona in public. That I thrive on hoodwinking vulnerable people. And even that I try to keep people injured so that they will continue to need me. These are grotesque lies!
One of the justifications used was that I posted two apologetic notices at the time. These were interpreted as admissions of guilt. I made those postings first in my initial shock at the situation, and under strenuous pressure from colleagues who thought that things would cool down if I acquiesce to my accusers. In fact, what happened was that by apologizing, I made myself look guilty. And my various accusers only got hungry for more.
When I mentioned character failings in those notices I was referring to naivety, and not thinking ahead. Ironic, since those notices were a perfect example of those very traits.
You might wonder why I didn’t refute the allegations when the scandal first broke in late April. The answer is that I immediately sought legal advice, and was told to say nothing publicly, even to defend myself. A single word in the wrong place can be used to vilify an innocent man, both in the legal court, and in the court of public opinion. This has literally happened already, even with the tiny amount that I have hither to said on the matter. A single word here and there has been twisted to distort, or negate everything else. One can try to be crystal clear, but where there is a malicious will to misinterpret there is always a way.
Nevertheless I think that the lawyer’s advice was bad advice, because my silence only allowed the lies about me to continue spreading. After that, I desperately wanted to set the record straight, but things kept getting in the way.
Our community in Britain lost one of its best men [Simon Harris] and I thought it would be unseemly to defend my name while everyone was mourning. Then the Iconoclast was doxxed and banned from YouTube. And again it felt wrong to draw attention to myself. The same thing again when prominent figures lost their bank accounts.
And since then my dilemma has been how to defend myself without damaging the cohesion of the movement. The fact is, it was wrong of certain key figures to condemn me and to paint me as some kind of sinister predatory character. While it’s true that I enabled this whole situation through various naive decisions, I am not a bad man, and I did not deserve to be disavowed.
I want to emphasize that I don’t believe Mark Collett acted maliciously when he disavowed me. He had bad advice and was in a very stressful and complicated situation.
Such situations will undoubtedly arise again in future, no matter how pure the zoomers think they are. I would suggest that in these future cases, disavowal should only follow a legal investigation in which the accused is found guilty. And until then he should be presumed innocent. It should not be the responsibility of untrained people, or unhinged people, or malicious people, to pronounce a man guilty.
Likewise the consumers of the movement those who are not maligned public figures, and do not understand the crucial need for discretion among those of us who, are, should when such accusations are made, accept the need for discretion and not clamor for drama. Such clamoring is tardry and short-sighted, and it leads to nothing good. It only empowers your enemies and the worst of your so-called allies.
Also, it’s instructive to look at the types of people who take an avid interest in other people’s private lives. Almost without exception they are people who contribute little of any worth, or who have problems within themselves, which they refuse to acknowledge. And so they end up taking out their frustrations on colleagues, rivals, and even friends.
This is not behavior that should be encouraged. This gossiping, this obsession with other people’s personal lives, and the “filthy secrets” that they’re hiding, is deeply unhealthy! When you listen to such people you reward their malice, their insecurity, and their self delusion! You should stop doing so.
If someone is doing something illegal, or immoral it will either be dealt with by the law, or the person will pay in some other way. There is no need for us to go around looking for dirt on each other. Such behavior is as toxic as the motives behind it, and the atmosphere that it leads to.
I would also suggest that a community which does this to itself has little chance of surviving in the long term. Especially when it’s enemies do not have this tendency towards puritanical self-harming, but that is another matter.
To summarize, in my relations with women I have never acted maliciously, or exploitatively. And the idea that I am a sex pest, or a groomer, is absolutely false! As is any allegation of assault, or any other criminal behavior. I have been naive at times and occasionally reckless. And I apologize for that. But I apologize for absolutely nothing else!
I’ll finish by thanking those colleagues who have stuck by me through this very difficult and draining ordeal. It is one of the worst experiences a man can go through. To lose the reputation, credibility, and trust, that he had spent years building. I will remember the kindness of those who gave me the benefit of the doubt when I was unable to defend myself.
I would also like to thank those patrons who stuck by me during this period when I was unable to make videos to reward their support.
Also I realize that there are many more people whom I don’t know and who never believed the lies spread about me. It’s a shame that I couldn’t communicate with you all over these last seven months. Hopefully the obstacles to doing so have now been removed.
As alluded to in the apology message back in April, I have said everything I have to say about nationalism, and identity. In any case my best work was not political. It was about being alive and intelligent in an age of nihilism, when there is no overarching morality to protect us from ourselves, or from each other.
As you can imagine I have many new observations about that.
Thank you for listening.
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Version 2: Dec 4, 2020 — Added See Also image and links.
Version 1: Dec 3, 2020 — Published post.